A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.  
Artificial Intelligence:  Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
Compatible:  Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Disclaimer:  Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Hardware:  The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
I am the computer your mother warned you about.
I bet the human brain is a kludge.  -- Marvin Minsky
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
Machine-independent:  Does not run on any existing machine.
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.  -- Laura Creighton
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.  -- Gilb
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.  -- H. Jackson Brown
Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
Adult:  One old enough to know better.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.  -- Olmstead
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.  -- Pardo
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
Babies can't walk because their legs aren't long enough to reach the ground.
Babies learn decibels before they learn syllables.